How tell if a guy is gay
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With gay clients, they say they feel the same way; with bisexual clients, they say they’re looking at both the men and the women; with straight clients, they say they’re looking only at the women. And I should point out here that the men when they’re engaging in this behavior (regardless of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselves that what they’re doing is not cheating because they’re doing it with a guy.
If you’re genuinely trying to be a safe space, the best thing you can do is let him bring you in—on his terms, not yours.
Orientation Is Internal, Not External
You can’t tell if someone is gay just by how they dress, speak, walk, or joke. He might express admiration for men that feels deeper than platonic.
It’s layered, private, and often shaped by fear, identity, or timing. Watch for:
Emotional Distance & Avoided Intimacy
- Physical Withdrawal: Rejects hugs/kisses without explanation; avoids initiating contact
- Conversational Dodging: Shuts down discussions about LGBTQ+ topics or your future together
- Intimacy Discomfort: Uses excuses (fatigue/stress) to evade sex; mechanical interactions without emotional engagement
Key Insight: 68% of closeted individuals fear partner reactions, prompting avoidance
Overcompensation Through Masculinity
- Aggressive Heteronormativity: Excessively commenting on women’s attractiveness or mocking LGBTQ+ peers.
- Social Proofing: Prioritizes “boys’ nights” disproportionately to project a straight identity.
Secretive Digital Behavior Patterns
- Hidden Apps: Grindr/Scruff hidden in “Utilities” folders; encrypted apps (Signal/Telegram) for routine chats.
- Incognito Overuse: Clearing browser history daily or using VPNs for routine social media.
- Notification Paranoia: Angrily flipping phones face-down or taking calls in another room.
Critical Note: These signs he is gay and hiding it may also indicate depression, trauma, or asexuality.
When he’s ready, if he’s ready, he’ll invite you in. Validate a hunch? A lot of times the gay men never even make it to me (without prompting from their wife, anyway) because they’re riddled with homophobia and I’m too gay for them. Let me know what you think in the comments below.
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How to Know If Your Boyfriend is Gay?
FamiGuard Support: Monitor Devices with Others' Permission.
As a relationship counselor for over a decade, I’ve been asked variations of “how to know if your boyfriend is gay?” more times than I can count.
Just witness.
Ask simple questions like, “How are you feeling sharing this?” or “Is there anything you need from me?” That tells him you see him as whole—not just someone with a label. A lot of the time they didn’t know what to call it, but they knew that they had an attraction to men—the locker room, the boy scouts, or wherever. But the gay man cares.
And in a world that loves clear categories, that can feel messy—both for them and for anyone in their orbit.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner expresses attraction to more than one gender, that doesn’t mean he was lying. And that, in itself, is a kind of love.
If You’re Hurt or Confused by the Truth
If you had romantic hopes, or were in a relationship that now feels like a lie, you’re allowed to feel sad.
About a third of these mixed-orientation marriages end in divorce right away. He may have been hiding it from himself, too.
He’s actually straight, but for whatever reason, he’s been looking at gay porn or he’s been having sex with men.
Number two is that I wanted to write this book for the men themselves because they’re usually very confused. Here are four common indicators:
- Interest in the Opposite Sex – If he expresses interest in girls, tends to look at them appreciatively and talks about potential sexual relationships with them, it’s safe to assume that he is most likely straight.
- Romances & Relationships – Straight people typically have relationships with members of the opposite gender and don’t form connections with same-sex partners.
Because no one comes out because they’re cornered. Android offers full monitoring.
Could cultural differences explain his behavior?
Absolutely.